Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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