Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
