My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
