So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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