he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
