I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
