I wish I could teleport
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
