can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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