Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
