K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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