is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
