We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
