I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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