Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
