he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
