I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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