I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
