you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
