About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
