38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
