I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
