cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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