Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
