Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
