Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
