You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
