I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
