I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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