He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
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The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
then he tried to convert me to islam
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
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If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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