theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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