Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
