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I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
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