Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
