i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I could have mohawked her pubes.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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