we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
