I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
