i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The power of my boobs compel you
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
