apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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