Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
