So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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