i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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