You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
