What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
