u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
