she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
