If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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