HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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