dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
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i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
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The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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