my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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