You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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