I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
