How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He felt like a one man threesome
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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