Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
