Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
