i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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