no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
