I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
