my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
