We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
