Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
it's great music for shaving your balls
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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