I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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