We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
