Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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