I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
