I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
