the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
