I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
