we have officially mastered the walk of shame
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
sex in a hospital.. check
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
