My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
