Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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