please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
