someone get that fucking seahorse.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
