this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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