boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
