do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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