Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
